i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
