I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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