Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
