I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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