Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
