and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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