Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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