Someone shit on the floor
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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