u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
