we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
