Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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