soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize
