he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
