I'm going to jail i love you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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