Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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