the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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