This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
