"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I currently don't understand fingers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
