just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A+ Viking dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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