You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
