Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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