Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
