can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
