She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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