if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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