is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
