why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
