I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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