i just made my gag reflex go away.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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