i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
