the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
