Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
