im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
