Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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