We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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