sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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