I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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