Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
