dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
