:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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