I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
