I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dick very happy bro
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
