I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
