Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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