oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this will be a night to untag.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
