She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
