Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
