we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
