At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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