He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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