hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
