so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
