Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize