you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
