im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
