so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
