apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
