do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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