Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
