why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
