I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
