I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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