Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
how does that bad decision feel?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
